These Hard Tears

Let's get back into this, shall we. Let's lay it on the line, put our hearts out there, and tell it like it is. 2014 has rolled over on us and here it is, the middle of the month, and I've been married for 20 years, I have a teenage daughter one year away from driving and my mom's birthday has come and gone. The long month of December- and it is a long month- is in the rearview mirror and now it feels like maybe, just maybe, we can begin to move forward with the new year.

Well, perhaps tomorrow.

Today would have been Seann's 32nd birthday.

I've been standing in our kitchen, washing dishes and listening to a new Springsteen track, "The Wall." It hails from his latest album and it's the best song on the record. Dare I say it's one of his very finest? I will. It ranks up there with his most haunting songs like "Shut Out the Lights" and "Brothers Under the Bridge." Like those two, "The Wall "deals with the Vietnam War and the scars of that era. Unlike those two, there is an added layer of poignancy and regret in "The Wall," as Bruce sings about personal friends who died in Vietnam. "The Wall" is so beautiful, it's worth owing the new album just to have this song. Although, I guss you could just purchase the song from iTunes.

 

Because "The Wall" deals with the pain and grief of losing of a loved one, I can't help but think about Seann. His life was ripped away from us. Will this sorrow ever lift? I pray for a time when we once again celebrate life on Seann's birthday and not the loss of it.

 

I'm listening to''The Wall," and the tears are leaking from my eyes and I just want to scream, ''FUCK!"

''FUUUUUUUCK!"

Fuck.

If that offends you, I apologize, But sometimes there's nothing better than a good F-Bomb. Except that in this case it doesn't help very much. It only brings more tears, anger and saddness.

 

Tonight we're drinking champagne in honor of Seann. It's our little tribute to him, in memory of the night he first arrived in California and together, with Budd and Karyn, we went through three or four (possibly five) bottles of champagne. He was a champion that night. He'll always remain a champion in our hearts.

Tomorrow we move forward. As for tonight, we'll sit and recall his love, laughter and kindness, as we polish off another bottle of champagne.