Yesterday I began the process of submitting the book for review considerations. Much like querying agents to read the novel I completed a year ago, I can only hope that the introduction letter I've written provides enough to draw interest and request a book. It's a nerve wracking procedure, although after you've sent out a couple and received your first rejection response (which I did yesterday) it gets a little easier.
Monday was a very difficult, with Jacob's health causing me concern all day long. He had to come home from school, complaining of tightness in the chest. We believe it has to do with one of his new medicines, so we have stopped it until the weekend so that if it is the medicine it doesn't cause him to miss more school.
Ever since Jacob was born I've struggled with being the one at work while Julie makes herself readily available to get the kids from school and take them to the doctor. Especially when it comes to my son, I feel so inadequate at times, which is how I felt all day Monday. As I rode home in the pitch black night, the moon sat low in the sky and I could feel it tugging at my heart. I was so discouraged Monday night, ready to throw in the towel on all of my artistic aspirations.
This is the tortuous process that writers and other artists go through. We work so hard on our craft and hope that someone will discover it and like it. But there are days, days when you want to give up, days when it doesn't feel worth the emotional exhaustion. Those are the days I turn in to bed early and sleep off the shit. Usually I wake up the next morning with fresh eyes and a stronger heart. I hate having these feelings of doubt and letting my nerves get the best of me. Hate it.
Today I read an interview with Dave Grohl, the leader of Foo Fighters and the former drummer of Nirvana. Grohl has just released a documentary he directed about a recording studio in the San Fernando Valley that was the birthplace of some of the greatest albums ever recorded, including Damn the Torpedoes by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Rumours by Fleetwood Mac and Nevermind by Nirvana. Grohl went around to many of the great artists who recorded there, including Petty. In the interview, Grohl remarked that he was apprehensive about approaching Petty. But he found the courage to call the man anyway.
finally realized that in those moments you have to let go of that
bullshit and say, 'I can't ruin this moment by being scared or by being
nervous, or by being insecure or thinking that I'm not going to be able
to do it. It'll be much more rewarding if I actually just do it.' I
would be terrified to ask Tom Petty to be in my movie, but God, I'd be
an idiot not to, and when I finally did he said, 'Well, you can't have a
movie about Sound City without me in it, now can you?'"